Spark & Ignite Your Marketing

Entrepreneurship and Relationship Bliss: Insights with Courtney Boyer

August 06, 2024 Beverly Cornell Season 1 Episode 36

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Note: A few days before the podcast was recorded, there was a fire near Beverly's house that damaged the internet. As a result, the video quality is not great, but this was such an insightful episode that we wanted to share it with you:
 
In this episode, Beverly Cornell sits down with Courtney Boyer, a certified life coach and expert in human sexuality and mental health. Courtney shares her inspiring journey from aspiring lawyer to successful life coach, addressing the critical issue of relationship satisfaction and its impact on overall well-being.

Key Topics:

  1. Addressing Relationship Satisfaction: Courtney highlights the startling statistic that up to 45% of couples are dissatisfied with their sex lives. She explains how addressing these issues can significantly enhance overall happiness and well-being.
  2. Navigating Personal Challenges: As a military spouse, Courtney shares her experiences of frequent relocations and how she built a thriving business despite these challenges. Her story is a testament to resilience and adaptability.
  3. Practical Advice for Entrepreneurs: Courtney offers valuable advice for entrepreneurs, emphasizing the importance of personal growth and addressing unresolved issues to succeed professionally.

Get Courtney's Book:
Not Tonight, Honey: Why women actually don't want sex and what we can do about it by Courtney Boyer

Courtney's Favorite Book:
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Sean Pratt

Follow Courtney Boyer:
COURTNEY BOYER COACHING
Instagram | CourtneyBoyer
TikTok | CourtneyBoyer
Facebook | CourrneyBoyer

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Beverly:

Did you know that according to recent studies, up to 45 percent of couples report dissatisfaction with their sex lives and addressing issues of sexuality and relationships can significantly improve overall wellbeing and happiness. Welcome to another engaging episode of the spark ignite your marketing podcast, I'm Beverly Cornell. And today we are joined with Courtney Boyer, a certified life coach with extensive expertise in human sexuality and mental health. Counseling. Courtney holds a master's in education in human sexuality and a master's in science and mental health counseling. After starting her career as a sexuality educator, she opened her own mental health and sex therapy practice and has been successfully running her coaching business for the last six years as a military spouse, Courtney has navigated numerous challenges, including frequent relocations to build a thriving business. Courtney, I'm so excited to have you here today. I think you are the first person on the podcast that we can talk about sex with. So interesting. Awesome. Yay.

Courtney:

I'm so excited to be here. Thank

Beverly:

you. Such an interesting journey, interesting path, interesting focus and concentration. Why sexuality educator? Can I talk about how it all began?

Courtney:

So originally I wanted to be a lawyer. And so I have a, my bachelor's is in political studies. And when I was a junior in college, I read the women's room and a gender politics and law class, and it totally changed my life. And so I told my parents, I don't want to study law. I want to study sex. They were like, What? Because I grew up very religious in the evangelical Christian church. It was a bit of a shock and a disappointment, to be honest for them. And I didn't know what I wanted to do exactly. I just knew that I wanted to help people. Unfortunately the internet was not what it is today, 20 years ago. And so looking into programs, a lot of it was making phone calls, Asking for brochures, like just the old fashioned way and I knew I didn't enjoy research. And so any type of clinical track involved research and I was like, I don't want to do research. I found myself interested in education and I can see what this is about. So that's what I did and that's how I got into sexuality education and worked as a sexuality educator and really enjoy that, but then realized that people would ask me very clinically based questions that I wasn't able to answer. So then I was like I guess I can't avoid this anymore. I'm going to go ahead and go get a clinical degree from this so I can be more practically focused and help people in a more, clinical setting.

Beverly:

So we all have like plot twists along our entrepreneur journey where obviously a plot twist was I'm going to law school and then maybe I'm not going to law school.

Courtney:

my husband, is military, but he's medical. So when he was doing his residency in Tacoma at Madigan, we thought he was going to be picked up as chief resident, and I had just recently opened, mental health and sex therapy practice. I was about to give birth to our third kid. I was a professor at a local university, and he didn't get it. And so then we were like now we're not going to be here for another year. And so we have no idea where we're going to go. We could go to Alaska. We could go to all these places. And so that was a big plot twist of, I had to close everything down. I had to resign from my job. I gave birth to my son. And then five weeks later, we moved to Texas. And so I plot twists shifted and, decided to not continue in therapy, traditional therapy, take a little break. Cause I had a newborn, a two year old and a four year old and just would speak at different, parenting groups and do some consulting work. And then it wasn't until three years later that we moved again to North Carolina. And that's when I discovered coaching. So that was another plot twist is I was like, Oh, what's life coaching about.

Beverly:

So talk about who your customers are. And the problems that you solve for them with this kind of background.

Courtney:

Sure. My clients are peoples of all genders and I work with one on one or as couples. The most succinct way to put it is I help people solve their relationship and sex problems. So it's usually their relationship with themself, but a lot of people don't realize that's the problem. So what they present is, I'm super successful, I've done all the right things, and I am miserable. I am disconnected, I am exhausted, I'm overwhelmed, I'm anxious, I'm not living this instagram worthy life that I'm presenting, but yet I still feel stuck in having to make it seem like I am happy, but I'm really not. I'm disconnected from my partner, disconnected from my body., that's usually what I work with for both men and women. And then when I work with couples, a lot of times It's typically sexually driven. So usually there's a desire discrepancy within the relationship. Somebody wants it more than the other, or overall, their relationship is struggling. And so they're looking to get help. It's usually really bad. I'm usually the last phone call they make before the divorce lawyer.

Beverly:

We've talked a lot on this podcast from previous episodes about, I think many entrepreneurs need a coach and a mentor because you know, all the crap that you experienced as a kid and try to process the things they need to coach to help create the life that you want to go forward with. So I think like the two really need to work together. And the fact that you have both modalities is interesting. From that perspective, since we've talked a lot about that with other people on the show I think it's really healthy to have someone to talk to, and I think business owners specifically, we, like you said, like we encounter things like we're super successful and we are very driven and probably a little bit of perfectionism and maybe even fear of failure or the impostor syndrome as a business owner, the weight of the world is a little bit on us as well, because we. Pay people and have to have all the things together. And people are relying on us for work, like the clients and all the things. So there's just a lot of pressure. I think you need ways to talk through whatever absolutely you need to work through. I feel like that's such a powerful thing, when you're on this journey called life. It's really nice to be able to work through that stuff. So what has been the biggest, do you think shift in your process as an entrepreneur or as the person in charge of the ship over the time?

Courtney:

I think, and it's funny because that you just talked about, like having to work through your stuff and I think hands down that is something I did not prioritize, like how my own hit my history affected my ability to be an effective entrepreneur.

Beverly:

And so

Courtney:

I wish that I would have worked through a lot of that stuff while I was Beginning that entrepreneur journey, like nobody teaches you that in graduate school, at least the tracks that I went, it's like, they teach you how to be a good therapist and, good at your job, but not how to market, not how to deal with imposter syndrome, not how to deal with, with all of those things. So I really wish I would have prioritized. I started, about five years ago, I really shifted into, okay, working on my limiting beliefs, working on, my unresolved trauma, those kinds of things. But I, had I done that from the beginning, it would have been a game changer.

Beverly:

And I think it's interesting because we're older and we have wisdom and self awareness and all of that. Like even as a parent, mean, I love My kids and they have brought things to the surface that I didn't even know I had to figure out. There's some serious triggers as a parent and you're like, Oh crap. Why am I so reactive in those moments? I always want to do better. my mom was great and amazing and all that, but do better like for my kids as much as possible. But you have to do that work and sometimes it's not fun to have to do that. it's a constant work in progress.

Courtney:

Yeah, that definitely happened with me. My dad passed away in 2017 and that really shifted for me. A lot of the reason why I do the work that I do. I really saw firsthand what happens when you don't face your demons. And so that was something that really was like a big motivator for me to really, cause as an entrepreneur, you want to give up sometimes a lot of the times, almost every day, multiple times. And. I think that, really staying connected to your why. And that was a very big reminder for me of why I do the work that I do.

Beverly:

Oh my gosh. I love it. Courtney. I felt that with our customers, like our clients that, they're all service based business owners and they're serving people left and right. Not stay connected to who you are authentically, nothing else is going to matter, like as far as your brand or messaging, nothing's going to resonate. I actually joke that we're marketing therapists, like we look at where you've been, where you want to go, where you need to get over your hurdles that are in your way. So I am by no means like a certified therapist, but I know marketing, I know how to do that. So what really frustrates you about the industry and how do you want to fix it? Or how do you fix it?

Courtney:

Yeah. gosh, there's many frustrations. Let me pick one. I was talking to a woman, who's super like talented and incredibly intelligent, really like just an amazing woman, who specializes in like infertility and, she's a naturopathic doctor and and we were both sharing about how, what we're finding is. You can be phenomenal at the work that you do, but if you don't know how to play the game in terms of marketing and social media and all of that stuff, then that doesn't always equate to Quote success. And so I think that's something that I have found, to be frustrating. I am incredibly great at what I do. I'm really great at helping people. I'm not great at playing the game. I'm not great at figuring out the algorithms and the ever changing things. And you need to do SEO optimization and you got to do this and that. And one, I'm not interested in that. Like it totally. Bores me to death. And then, finding the right people for that too, like hiring and you think like, where do I invest my money? Do I invest it in a publicist? Do I invest it in a marketing firm? I think that can get really frustrating because you don't. Know where to go sometimes and you really like for me. I just want to help people I want to help people and I want to share my gift and I want to do it the best possible way that I can And but it's you know, that's well, how do you? Expose yourself to people to do that.

Beverly:

You don't need to be wasting your energies in those places. Like you need to invest in yourself to do that. You are the best you can be for your business and so you need to do what you love and so many people forget about that When it comes to marketing, we live in the marketing space and we know the algorithms literally overnight they're changing. That's our thing. Like we love that. It's a lot to trust. It's truly a partnership. To genuinely connect. And I think feel comfortable with when you bring on a marketing person. So hard. So tell me a story of a moment or even a testimonial from somebody and how you positively impacted their lives by what you do.

Courtney:

so I just had a client we just finished up about a month ago she's been married for 17 years, I think, and really was just like, you know what I just, I can't get on board with this sex thing. I'm just not a sexual person. I like I've tried and it's okay. But I just, it's not for me. Like I'll do it out of obligation. And cause that's what my husband needs, but it's not for me. And she read my book and was like, okay, now I'm a little bit more motivated and wanting to really explore why I'm not, I am a sexual person. So she was able to change just by reading my book to be like, okay, I am a sexual person. There's just something missing there. And I just need to explore that and figure that out. And so we worked together for three months and we had worked together before actually on more, about a couple of years ago non sexual related stuff. And after our time together, she said that she went from. What I just shared, not being interested in sex, being totally checked out to desiring sex to initiating sex and that was so huge to, to see that transformation for her to know that in her marriage, that she's the one pursuing her husband So that was amazing. Like I, I love that. That made me really happy.

Beverly:

And when you think about it, the Maslow hierarchy of needs, like sex, food, security, a roof over your head, really basic human need that sort of intimacy and connection. So to bring that into her life and it's a purpose. That's got to feel good. Yeah, it did. So can you share a fun fact? There's things that happen behind the scenes that are quirky or just uniquely Courtney, is there like a ritual or something that you do that nobody else would know

Courtney:

so my clients think it's interesting. And even when I work with my own coach, she'll be like, okay, where in the world are you? A good percentage of the time I'm on calls, I'm in a different part of the world. And I, it could be my Sagittarius self. It could be that, I do live in Europe. So traveling so much easier, but. It's fun to see and inspire my, the people that I have these calls with. And when I do business with people, because they. They find it really empowering of like you can work anywhere in the world and help me and Fix quote fix my life and it's yeah, this is stuff that can be done anywhere I don't have to sit in an office and be In a suit jacket and you sit across to me and i'm laying on a couch or whatever like This transformational work can happen at any point at any time anywhere. So I don't know. That's a fun fact. I work from Anywhere in the world.

Beverly:

I think that's a good one. So, look into the future a little bit Courtney. And what is your long term vision? Like for your business? And how will you have to evolve to get there, do you think?

Courtney:

Yeah. Great questions. I think one of the things that I've really felt myself drawn to lately is small group stuff, which I hated doing small groups because it's so much harder in terms of launching and getting everybody on the same start date. And because a lot of my client base is back in the U S that's a six to 10, 12 hour difference, depending on if they're in Hawaii or Alaska or whatever. So I really avoided it for a long time. I would love to start offering in the future. And this is something that I'm really working on is sexual wellness retreats for Small groups for women and then also one on one so that where they can come and have an experiential supportive sisterhood kind of experience to talk about their issues around sexuality and pleasure and desire and communication boundaries all the fun stuff and really feel like I'm not alone and I Do it in a beautiful part of the world and experience wonderful, pleasurable things and have a great time. So that's really what I would love to start doing.

Beverly:

So many people think that they're all alone in there. It might be slightly unique to you, but so many people are experiencing disconnection. I think. That idea of sisterhood in your journey is very empowering with the right women around you. I think that could totally change everything for sure.

Courtney:

That's great. Yeah. I have a group of women here too. They're also military spouses and it has been such a healing experience for me because I think I realized for a long time that I didn't trust women very well. Just because of my childhood experiences of a lot of competition in sports and grades with boys and just never feeling I could really trust what women would say. Cause then Oh, they're talking about you behind your back and stuff. And so the last couple of years, it's, again, it's really been healing to connect with these other women who are so supportive and so encouraging it. They have been, they're amazing. I love them.

Beverly:

I'm so sorry you experienced that, but I'm so glad you found that now. Me too. So share a moment of pride when your business made a meaningful impact in the lives of your customers or community.

Courtney:

There's lots I can think of. So I read, I wrote a book and it came out last year and it has, I've gotten so many great responses from that, especially from men and that's been really cool. It's written for women, but anybody can really benefit from it. I had one woman reach out to me that said she had it next to her, but her husband like picked it up and started reading it in bed one night. And it was about body image, the chapter that she, he was reading. And he turned to her and he said, do you hate your body? And she was like, she paused and thought, and she was like, not anymore. I used to for most of my life, but I'd say I'm just okay with it now. Transcribed And he was shocked by that response. He was like, but you're beautiful. You've given birth to two healthy, beautiful babies. Like it just made no sense to him. And they had one of the best conversations of their marriage. She said, because of what was in my book, because the way that he received that information and was able to just ask her an open question. And she felt safe enough to share that with him. That was a really cool moment.

Beverly:

That's what every, I think, author wants, right? That somehow you can create conversation or some inspiration from your story, whether it's a professional or personal So talk a little bit about marketing. I know it's not your favorite It's not. I'm sorry. Like I like to talk about from two different sides of it. So has there been a marketing mistake you've made that you've learned from?

Courtney:

Yes. I was in a mastermind with a group of girls. I really love, they were awesome. And then we finished the mark mastermind, and then we met individually the four of us. This was a few years, four years ago during COVID I think. And. So I poured a lot of money into using Facebook ads and trying to promote this pocket product And it just, it was not a good choice. It did not go well.

Beverly:

So there was somebody on recently who called that the learning moment, right? Like you can take it and go, okay, learned so I hope you were able to repurpose it in some way, shape, or form. They definitely helped me become more resilient. They helped me become more knowledgeable. And but how do you use that going forward either to move you to create action in some other way. So important moments, mistakes are good things.

Courtney:

Absolutely. Yeah. It's, I try to say, failure is feedback.

Beverly:

It is, it truly is. What's one marketing trend. Or technology that you're excited about possibly incorporated into your strategy in the near future.

Courtney:

I've been doing podcasts, I'd say consistently for the last year, like almost like about once a week, maybe more. But yeah, but starting in 2020, I started to do them pretty hard. And then I like took a break. I was like, I don't really, I'm not enjoying this anymore. And so then the last, Yeah, a year and a half or so, I've been doing it pretty like very frequently. Using AI that terrifies me. So I don't, that I, that feels like a whole bag of Oh, I don't know what to do with this.

Beverly:

It's like another language. So yes, in some ways. Yes, it is.

Courtney:

So I have That's a good trend. I

Beverly:

don't know. It's certainly new. Yeah. It's, I've been around for a while, but it's certainly something new that we're trying to harness and figure out Everyone's trying to grasp of how this fits into marketing and what does it look like? So yes, we use AI a lot for systems and analytics and stuff. I think prompt writing is a superpower. Like you need to know how to write a good prompt. That's something that we help a lot of our clients craft for their own business and automate some of the things that could take a long time for them to analyze data, analyze testimonials, So now we have the lightning round.It's more of a rapid fire section, but people also go off tangents, but, and if there's something really fascinating, I might ask you about it, but it's just really to get your gut reaction, not, don't overthink it. Have fun with it. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm ready. So how do you maintain lasting connections for your business

Courtney:

I stay connected with a lot of them on social media. A lot of them, they like continued to just follow me and follow my journey. So I think that's just pretty much how I stay connected.

Beverly:

If your business had a voice, what word or emotion would resonate from its core? Freedom. Would it have, is there an actress or actor that would speak the voice?

Courtney:

The person that just came to mind was Sharon Stone.

Beverly:

Ooh, I love that connection. Powerful. Dive back into all the years of experience, all the mistakes, all the successes Which book, course, podcast, other entrepreneur, has made a mark on your entrepreneurial journey? And it can be a couple of people if you want.

Courtney:

I would say my first business coach, Kara. I didn't even know about business coaches. That is something I wish I would have invested in when I started my own therapy practice. Yes. So I'd say her for sure would hands down be the biggest. And then gosh, I'm trying to look at the books. I'm like man. Oh, the body keeps the score. Reading that book and understanding the power that the trauma of that gets stored in our body, that really changed the way I saw how healing happens.

Beverly:

Unconventional tool or app that's become your secret weapon for your business?

Courtney:

Unconventional. I would say that I dabble a little bit in astrology. I not like too like crazy into it, but I find I try to see okay, is mercury in retrograde right now? Or, those kinds of things. So there's what's it called? I don't time passages is the name of it

Beverly:

is an app. It's an app on your phone. It's an

Courtney:

app. Yeah. It just gives me an idea of like where all the stars and stuff are in my birth chart and how that influences me and whatever.

Beverly:

Being an entrepreneur is, it can be lonely and you're always the one giving help to everyone and it sounds like you have a coach which is really great. How do you keep your entrepreneurial spirit alive? How do you feed it?

Courtney:

I think, yeah, keeping Myself accountable. So having paying people to keep me accountable so that I am like, okay, nope, I'm invested in this. I really believe in it. But then I also have I take screenshots of like emails or messages that I get from people that I've helped and like really changed their lives. And so that really feeds my spirit when I feel like I want to just burn it all down. So that definitely. I feel like God, the universe sends me people to just remind me and be like, what you do matters. Thank you for your work or thank you for whatever your posts. Like it's really appreciated. And okay guys, you're right. I can't give up. I gotta keep going.

Beverly:

Like it matters. And we get a lot of negative feedback from a lot of people who are just grouchy and different things. But it's really nice when people take the minute to tell you, you know what, this is Beverly, you're in the right space because you. You really made a big difference. So I don't know how, where I'd be without you. Like those kinds of things really matter to business owners. So for my listeners who also have a business, be free with your testimonials because that matters to so many of us in ways that you can't even understand how do you stay grounded, there are so many moments, Courtney, where we kind of question, we have some high as highs and lows of lows, like it's all, all in there, the whole rollercoaster of entrepreneurship is there. So how do you stay grounded?

Courtney:

I would say my family does an incredible job of keeping me grounded, like even without them really trying, they'll just ask, you're like, Hey mom, how's that book going? Or, Hey, like, how was your podcast? Or like, how was, Oh, like, how are your clients doing? Or something that means so much to me that they believe in me enough. I talk about this in the book, I think. I'm pretty sure I do, that at one point I was just like, I don't want to write, finish this book. Like it is so overwhelming. This freaking sucks. Like I'm just tired of it. And my kids kept asking me like, mom, when are you going to finish it? When are you going to finish it? And like the fact that they believed in me enough to be like, of course you're going to finish it. You have to finish it. Like you're good. You're great at helping people now they're 11, 13 and 15. So they're. It's, a few years younger when I was writing it, but still like their awareness of my impact on other people's lives was just that was so powerful for me. And really there's their belief in me keeps me grounded.

Beverly:

Courtney, I couldn't agree with you More on this, but I wrote my book and I had it on my desk and somehow I never even shared it with Zeke, my son, He was eight at the time. He's nine now and it was on my desk and he's mommy, that's your name. And I was like, yeah. And he's you wrote a book. Yeah, for school, I'm going to use your book. And I was like it's not really like a kid's book. It's it's for people who want to start a business. Yeah, I'm going to read your book. And he had to like, take a picture of it and say what it was about. It was mostly like a, an outline of the book. Like he's part of that story, but like he usually is playing video games or whatever. He put his video game down and he was like, mommy I didn't know this happened. And I said at one point, I hope I'm like half the mom my mom is I just hope that. And he goes, you're the best mom. Like it was just so cute how he confirms the things that you I didn't think I needed, it's so sweet and precious and pure I wish I could bottle it and keep it forever, Yeah. Okay, so a fun question. Oh, okay. If your business prowled, the animal king, which creature would it embody and why? Proud.

Courtney:

Gosh. I would say a cheetah, because it is I would say I think very quickly and process information really quickly when people present it. And but also very lurking sounds so creepy now. That's how I'm so good at my job. No, I love it. Oh, I'm keeping it. I'm full of it. I'm believing in it. No, I'm, I would say a very powerful observation skills and quick to take action. So that's where I'm going to.

Beverly:

Okay. So, if you could give yourself advice, Courtney, looking back a little bit, and we're past the lightning stuff. So if you want to expand a little bit, you can, if there was one pivotal piece of advice, how might this insight have saved you time, resources, headaches,

Courtney:

don't apologize for your pricing. Yes. Thank you. Yeah. That is something I spent, I don't anymore, agonized so much time and, oh good gosh, I can't even tell you, I'm sure with your work, but yeah that right there.

Beverly:

I think a majority of my counseling goes to you're worth more 100%. Yep. And teaching people that's really valid and true. So it's there's back in that space for some reason. Yep. But even this concept to many people, especially the service space industry, they like, think of it I'm sure you have like hourly or your sessions. I think very hourly as opposed to the experience and school and time, energy and all those things that doesn't translate to an hour. That is, this is not an equal thing. So you have to think of it more holistically when you price yourself. Okay. So if you could give practical advice to a small business, this is like something they could do today that's very actionable, for somebody who's either stuck or. is starting a business. Is there a strategy or approach that they could put into action

Courtney:

How can you make what you're doing more fun? So like whatever that you are feeling stuck in, what if you tried to just make it fun? I know that I hate doing Instagram reels and so I, but I have an audience and so I want to keep them engaged. So how can I make doing that more fun? Like how can I just be silly and I don't have to show up and give a lecture. Maybe I do like a lip sync or something, but then the caption has something that's like a call to action.

Beverly:

I like it. The habit, like to join it with another habit so that you create the habit. So if you're going to do something you don't like, create, join it with something you do so that yeah. I like it. That's a good concept in there. you've written a book. So tell our listeners where they can learn about what you do where they can find you and what more about your book.

Courtney:

Sure. So I'm at Courtney Boyer coaching. com. And then also on my social media is Courtney Boyer coaching Courtney with a C. And then my book is called not tonight, honey, why women actually don't want sex and what we can do about it. And that can be found on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, on most online retail bookstores. And that book is really about why women are not interested in sex and what they can do about it. It's not just for women. Anybody can really learn from it, I'm really proud of it and really excited to see how it continues to elevate the conversation around women's sexual desire and women's sexuality.

Beverly:

I just want to take a second to really thank you, Courtney, this has been a conversation kind of all over the place, which is just cool and amazing and fun at the same time.

Courtney:

Today. so much for having me. I enjoyed it

Beverly:

Courtney's insights have illuminated our listeners path offering really invaluable tips and strategies to enhance your professional and your personal life. Which was really cool. And I hope you found this episode as enlightening as I did. And if you have any questions to please reach out to Courtney directly or to myself and to implement some of these insights into your business and hopes to help you succeed quicker, faster, and better. Stay tuned for more inspiring. Conversations and actually ignite your business and your marketing journey on future episodes of the Spark Ignite your marketing podcast and until next time, keep sparking and igniting

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